New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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