.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
