i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
