Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
