I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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