Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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