We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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