Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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