I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
