You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i think my cat just said my name.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
