i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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