Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
