Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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