There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
