So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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