am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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