Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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