All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
