and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
