Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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