I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
