I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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