Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
