I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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