my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
