ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize