she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
