those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drunk is not a location!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
