somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
pray to the hookup gods
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
