I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
