Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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