My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
