i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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