All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
