i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dick has a subreddit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
