You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
