yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
