someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
