Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
