you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
