all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
