Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
