I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
