We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
