I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
