Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
