Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
