I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
