When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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