Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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