hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
