That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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