I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
