If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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