Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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