im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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