I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
