all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
