i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize