A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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