1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I bet he comes in French.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
