pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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