Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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