And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
