Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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