Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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