I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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