The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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