I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
