listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
