he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
