used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
